You should drive in Delhi if you ever want to:
- test your patience
- not reach places in time
- lose hope in humanity
In fact, one should receive an award for driving on the roads of Delhi. Since we have this thing called brain and an actual driving license, we have the responsibility to not lose temper and take the high road.
Here are 5 types of people one should avoid in order to stay calm and sane:
1) The Blower
(No, it’s not what you think.)
Purpose in life: Blow horn. Create noise Pollution. Make others deaf.
The vehicle’s horn is music to their ears. I mean even if the light is red, they are lost in this divine sound of ‘peep peep’. They sometimes try to mix it up with different beats and pauses. Their one hand is dedicated to the horn. They tape it so that no second gets wasted. PEEP PEEPS all the way! (Literally all the way.)
2) The She-Haters
Purpose in life: To prove that girls can’t drive.
A girl driving a car? Next thing we know people want us to believe that every girl’s favourite colour isn’t pink. Impossible!
A woman driving a car in Delhi has an added responsibility, that is, of being a woman. If she makes a minor mistake which honestly anyone can make, she will be hearing things like ‘Lady Driver. Huh! Expected .’
No wonder people assumed that Lindsay Lohan is a guy in Herbie fully loaded. WHY THE ASSUMPTION PEOPLE. I mean can’t it be that it has nothing to do with the person’s gender and everything to do with a car’s magical powers. CARCIST!
(Carcist /ˈcarCɪst/ noun a person who shows or feels discrimination or prejudice against cars on the basis of their magical powers.)
But honestly She-Haters are the worst. They are The Judge. (Didn’t get the reference? Read 5 types of ASSHOLES .)
Ignore She-Haters and enjoy ‘a happily ever after’ drive.
Purpose in life: Never stop.
Then there are these people who paid less for their car because they didn’t install brake. They decided that stopping makes no sense. “The tortoise didn’t stop did it” said a proud brake-less . When asked ‘who are you racing against’, the brake-less fled. No surprises there.
Either this or they get color blinded only when the light is red. “Wait red and yellow doesn’t equal to green? They all have different purposes? NOOOO.”
If you tell them this, they will realize, their whole life has been a lie.
4) The Suicide Squad
Purpose in life: To die on the road.
These are those pedestrians that measure the width of the road and then walk right in the middle. They like to walk on the beat of the horn. I wonder how they will feel about the idea of using ears. Nah too much work.
They also like to cross the road just when the car is too close. They like to live on the edge like that.
Safety isn’t cool. Pedestrian crossing isn’t cool. You know what is cool? Death!
5) The Over takers
Purpose in the life: To save one second of their life.
‘Get up late. Dress up late. In the end, Overtake!’ That is their official anthem according to Wikipedia.
These people want to overtake everyone and everywhere. They want to overtake on ‘one way ‘ roads that only have space for one vehicle at a time. They want to overtake even though they have to stop in the next two minutes. That joy of overtaking satisfies their inferiority complex.
And they have a rule: Rule 113# always overtake from left. Even if there is ample of space in the right. Even if you have to drive your four wheeled vehicle on just two wheels. Left. Always.
Maybe left is their lucky direction or maybe they do not know how to turn right.
Whatever the case, for them, left is always right.
My advice? Ignore them. Avoid them. Imagine you are the last responsible driver left on this planet.
Stay calm and Stay safe.
Hope that helps!